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apparently I have fell in love with TUmblr for blogging. lazy ass to continue this blog... i prefer re blogging.. ~~

grateful

Carlson..

If you ever read this. or come across my blog though I never told you about it.

I just want you to know that Im happy being your girlfriend.

Being your friend for the past 5 years.

Being your best friend now. sharing everything under the sun and stupid dumb blonde jokes and crazy laughters for hours on the phone.

They're the best I have ever experienced after a year of feeling unwanted and broken from love.

now that,

I found you.
I found love.
I found hope.
I found reasons to listen to more love songs and watching more romantic movies.
I found warmth within.
I found someone who is just like me.
I found myself being grateful for what I have now with you.


xoxo,
Ivana.

down

i feel stupid. like really stupid at the mo. sigh.

thinking..

Im thinking about performing for valentines day... but what song?

Dont tell me what to do.

You know..

Im that kind of person who likes to live my own life.. I believe in ways where telling people what to do is awfully rude.Well if its for a good cause , yes. But if its so minor, it can really cross my patience. I dont do that. why? coz I know its your life. your ways. YOU choose to do what you wanna do. Stopping people or telling people off to do something they already know is just not nice for me.Coz I dont do that.

You may not know whats going on in a person's mind. They might have their own goal for the day. Their own motives. Their own plans.

seriously. I can be very pissed when people tell me what to do.. what to say.. its my life, common. I want to do what I WANT TO DO. I choose my own time to do things. and I feel like behaving the way I do is because its my life. No one has control over you unless its God.

okay. feeling better for letting this out. hmmm.

im not bella swan anymore

ah. i give up. Guys are like chocolates. they taste so good when you put them in your mouth.. but they melt so fast and then.. they're gone. You dont feel them anymore. Why should I bother thinking about it so much when it gives me stress!..

So I am deciding to forget about it .. and I FEEL like I am a happier person right now!!..

Pastor said in church last night! " ENJOY LIFE. but dont go sleeping around" like duh. lol

so today im gonna set my rules and start enjoying life to the max. gotta refrain from being jobless at some point!

PRAISE THE LORD HALLELUYA. ( starts dancing the *halo* dance.. halo! halo! halleluya! hi hi.. *with hand actions* and starts irritating Kai Li and Mabel)

I naww I nawww I nawwww!

xoxo
berenai

For those of you!

For those of you stupid movie fans and those movies are the stupid stupid ones?
Here are a few stupid lines I would like to share and make you recall..

1) Scary movie 3

Niggha 1- ...And the next moning? he wauk uhp dhead!
Nighha 2- Now haoh da hewll do ya weak uhp dead?
Niggha 1 - Coz you're alaive whenya gauto sleep!
Nighha 2- so you tellin that you can go ta bead dead and wake uhp alaive?
Niggha 1- You kaent gauto bed dead man that shit would be redundant!
Niggha 2 - Now it wouldnt. SEE. yiou ken gauto bed and NAT be dea... BUT yiou ken die.. BUT not in da bed!
Niggha 1 - DAYUMMMMMMMMMM!!! THATS A QUANTUM SHIT RIGHT THERE!


2) Vampire sucks ( twilight, new moon, eclipse)

Fat guy on the boat : Why arent you wearing any shirt?
Vampire: OH. i work part time for Abercrombie and Finch...

Will.I am - I got some serious case on the munchies....
Fat guy on the boat : Chinnos?...
Will.I.am: OH HEWL YEAH! THANKS DAUG!


3) Bella's father on the bed with Bella : I know break ups are hard.. especially when you;'re being dump by a hot and hunky guy like edward and when he wears a hot pants you'd go... " OOOUUUHHHHHH LOOOAKK AETT DAETTT??? LOOK AEETT DAeTTT!"


4) Austin powers goldmember: DUHHH DEE!.. DUH DEE WASNT THERE... TO CHANGE MY UNDERWEAR.. TO TAKE ME TO THE FAIIRRRR. DUH DEE WASNT THERE..!!! PEACE!

EGO

I find people with a big elegant arrogant ego so hot and irresistable.

why? sigh. and they are the ones who puts question marks in your life.

Why cant I have normal friends?

1# I have a friend WHO ANNOUNCES EVERYTIME SHE GOES TOILET!
2# I have a friend who burps out loud and made mosquitoes die after burping.
3# I have a friend who cant stop immitating me coz she's too influence. TRANSFERENCE case.
4# I have a friend who acts histrionic without her realising
5# I have a friend who is paranoid from africa to vietnam
6# I have a friend who eatS maggie mee and cheese almost everyday!

and these people live around me 5 days a week!

NOW WHY DO YOU THINK IM TAKING ABNORMAL PSYCHOLOGY??
* drums*

*laughs annoyingly*

nyiiaaaaHaaaHa HI PATRICK!

3 vampires.

and now that Im bella ... IM BEING AFTER!

3 vampires who look like the BLACK EYES PEAS! * gasps* damn. havin drama in life taste so sweet suddenly !

xoxo
random

Hi, Im Bella Swan

Im an ordinary girl. My skin is red.. due to rashes. I live in Kuala Lumpur. I moved here and left my mum back in Kuching and was enrolled in bukit forks Jalil high school. I live with my housemates.

It was Twilight....and One day at the cafeteria.. I saw him...With his purple shirt..and his glasses attracted me. His nerdy look pierced my soul. And with him was a guitar..and he sat at one corner and played beautifully. I was speechless and felt like dying on the spot. He didnt look at me mysteriously like how you expect him to.Dont rely on movies and stephanie meyers books. This is the real twilight story... I found out his name.. His name's Edward.

And weeks after that I just couldnt figure him out.. we became closer. The setting wasnt in the lab. no. I, Bella, was never lab partners with Edward.. We were music partners at one point.. I like him. as a matter of fact I was still unsure if he likes me too.

I found out his secrets. He was a vampire. a monster... monster who Deals with blood......

I didnt care. I liked Edward a lot...and Things went well... till the moon changed.... and the old moon turned new.. How I wished it never changed...... coz it caught me into something after that.. The new moon.

New moon, so they called it. One day, I was on my way to going with Edward somewhere........ We said... we'll go somewhere NEXT summer. But when summer came...
Seemed like the plan has changed.

I found a long time friend.. Jacob. Always so bubbly and we knew each other for such a long time. I was torned. Jacob confessed. With his body so urgh. Jacob Black captivated me.

Days passed. Edward left me for some place I never knew...days spent was with Jacob. Edward has always been mysterious.. Its not true what the movie said. that Edward couldnt figure Bella out.. It was me, BELLA. Who couldnt figure him out..

I finally gave in to Jacob..

now Im torned.

Because I made Edward a promise to not do anything reckless when he's away.

Im only waiting for The Eclipse to tell me whats to happen next

xoxo
Bella Swan

C

omg! whats that letter for??!

hehehehehe

its yours to find out in the cinemas near you!

teeheee!

xoxo
happy berenai!

out of ordinary

It happened. at 3 am. I dont know what happened but it just so happened. Im confused. I still am scared to know it happened. And the fact that it involves a long term friendship.

Feels like a puzzle piece has completed a whole picture of my heart and its valves. Mind you, every word i type means something.

Feels like the Source of oxygen in my life is being restored. I feel like Im breathing the air I have longed to breathe once again in my life.

It is the most powerful thing in the world. What have I got now, can you figure it out?

Hope things go well. sooner or later it will surface. And im not sure how would reactions turn out. chemically, physically and psychologically.

thinking of you

I guess its true.
Comparisons are... easily done once you've.... had a taste of.... perfection..Like an apple hanging from a tree I've picked the rippest one, I still got the seeds..
you said move on where do I go?..

xoxo
....... emo berenai.

TURNED OLD.

20th December 2010, Ivana officially turned 18! OMG IM SO LEGAL!.. =_=".

I had a great time spending time with friends and family. Life is nothing without them. =)

Received hundreds and hundreds of wishes on facebook! I felt popular for a day! haha!..

2 more weeks I'd be going back to BORING bukit jalil. hmf.

my best friend in bukit jalil is so busy working now! Didnt get the chance to call him for free on my bday =(

I have the sweetest bff and cousin in the world. they're couple btw. they're just so spoiling my ass. spoiling the already spoilt ivana. haha.

I shall post another post on my birthday and who attended and what happen next!

gonna be busy for the next few days. CHRISTMAS IS SOOOOO NEAR!

and My eczema hasnt healed since forever! *pouts*

my ex texted my at midnight on my birthday. My heart was so.................

I lost few kg! teehee!

but may be gaining again during christmas.

xoxo,
ivana sexy mason

december 2010

WOW. December this year is the most happening December I have ever experienced..

AI LAIK!

1) i went to sabah



2) im in charge of my cousins performance in a form of a short drama for the great grandpa's 101th birthday...




3)performing a christmas carol with the cousins from me dad's side for christmas during an annual event we always have every year called "MASON'S NIGHT". where all the masons from overseas. cousins. aunties. uncles. come together for one night of togetherness and fun!! AND GETTING DRUNK :p




4) having an open house for christmas! =D and my mum and I are gonna be welcoming visitors with open clothes like this! hahahah =P KIDDING. ONLY KIDDING. but hell this is sexy man.woohoo.






5)went to the beach for kayak-ing with bff and her bf (my baby brother)






6) dancing classes! i took hip hop jazz. 2 classes per week. so far the songs are ok. one is baby by justin bieber and the other one is like a g6. daym i enjoy dancing em!

7)my teenage cousin is staying and sleeping with me and day by day Im trying to help him with his teenage problems. =) a good practise for my profession!



8) making him break up with his abusive girlfriend. she slapped him for goodness sake! for talking casually with a friend who is a girl. such a bitch at such a young age!
9) BEEN SHOPPING A LOT! SPENT LIKE....... I dont dare count the expenses!... 1 day rm300 gone. that was first week of being in kuching. yea. it went on for the next few weeks. . . go figure how much I've lost and how broke I am now.





10) MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP! and im changing my middle name to SEXY! ah ah spell my name baby! its S.E.X.Y!




11) I HAVE BEEN FLIRTING BY EYE CONTACTS and small grins WITH VERY BEAUTIFUL AND MYSTERIOUS LOOKING BIDAYUH GUYS AROUND TOWN since i got back. you just know that they're bidayuhs. they have this certain look. ah~~ =)
This is what singlehood will do to you when you have been single after a relationship for 10 months already.







AND IM STILL THINKING OF MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION! HRM

BREAST REDUCTION?



and i wanna learn guitar next sem =)


ahhh.. im still thinking of what else to update. i know i have been through many interesting things lately!

will come back again!

xoxo!
love!

crush

I have a crush on him. But I dont know if i can trust him.

sharing..

Today I really realize.. that sharing really brings 2 persons close together. I just realised. how stupid for me to realise this late after few friendships I have been through. Sharing means trust. When you start sharing things you never tell anyone to someone, you tend to get closer to that person, because you know he/she holds your secrets. and that she/him understands you more than others.

I did it again today. I made someone share his stuff to me. We were close since he opened up. I never knew he would. And I know deep inside him, there's just too much stuff. Felt like a psychologist in practical, trying to understand his situation, and give proper opinions. And wala! He sticked to me the whole day. I'm just so happy coz I was cracking my head on how to crack his shell.

Its just so nice to get closer to someone.

I feel proud and happy today that I managed to be part of his life and being a person whom he trust. =D hee.

xoxo

reporting from kuching, sarawak

Some people can record down what they see and do everyday in their blog..and updating it always. all those interesting things. But sometimes I rather keep it safe in my memory. This explains why i dont really update it. I stop writting diaries too now. last time, I used to keep like 5-6 diaries! everyday with 2 to 3 entries! ahh. (mostly about my eye candies and crushes at that time teehee!)now, gosh. its just too hard to talk about eye candies and crushes. coz its gettin lesser. I'm getting bored of the faces I see especially in campus and one is leaving for partner medical school already. haha.

okay. now I remember. I got a story.

Last month, I gave this eye candy of mine an orange candy, coz he brings his orange bagpack to campus. and I left a note with the candy saying "Thanks for leaving my day sweet whenever you pass me by". I mean common! He was my candy!.. friends said he's really ........er..... not my type of guy. but that doesnt mean he cant be my eye candy? Anyways I felt relieved for giving him that candy and that note. I want to do something crazy in my life because I realise life is getting shorter by the day.

Speaking of life..

So far, I feel like wrapping up 2010.. It has been a year for losts.
Since early this year..
1) One of my good friends lost her grandma
2) and another friend lost his father few weeks after
3) few weeks after that, I went to that same crematorium to witness my dearest aunt/poh poh being cremated. I lost her too
4)and then few months after that... I broke up with my boyfriend i loved so much. Its not a permanent lost, but still, i lost someone so lovely, so kind..... but things weren't going our way
5) a month ago, i was shocked that I didnt even cry.. that my paternal grandad passed away... and there goes another funeral...
6) and just few days ago, my best friend called me up and said her beloved aunty passed away............

I never saw many deaths in a year.. I always have phobia-ed death. I guess this is how God's trying to make me strong, after the death of uncle Rex..

I hope i wont loose anyone anymore..

out of being random

I NEED TO HAVE A HOOK UP WITH SOMEONE HAWT! :D